30th June Warm

This post is to my friend. Or friends.

You think you are in control, yet you show us you are not.

You think you are right, yet everything shows you are not.

You think the truth can be changed, yet the truth remains the same.

You think, you think, and you think.

And the truth says no, no, and no.

All truths said and done, I have done my part as a friend, your life is yours to control. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart, you have changed. Something is blinding you, and your vision is clouded. However, when you are hurt, I will be there for you. Before that, don't expect anything from me. I will give you the picture below for your future reference.






















How you live, does not depend on others but yourself.
Your life is in your own hands, better or worse, you'll have to face it.


DDOJ:

What ever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.
Whatever doesn't kill ME, had better run like hell!

Adios!

28th June Warm

With the H1N1 spreading like wild fire, I guess its about time we all start to be more worried about the epidemic. It isn't deadly, yet. However if it's left uncontrolled, the virus will mutate and get stronger, by then it might become incurable.

If you see the history of mankind, there are many incidents where huge populations are wiped out due to a single disease and epidemic outbreak. There was a time when Tuberculosis was deadly and had no cure, the black plague that spreaded as if it was the very embodiment of fire itself, and the humans were like dry wood, fueling it's every growth. If we don't control this situation well, there is very possibility it would turn out to be fatal. Bless us all.


Anyway, a note to my students.
If you feel sick, just let me know and I'll arrange a make up class for you. Your health, and the safety of all your fellow friends are at risk. So lets all try to make a little extra effort to combat this bad situation.


DDOJ:

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Harry replied, "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Harry: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Harry: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Harry: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Harry: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Harry: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Harry: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Harry: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?

Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."

Adios!

27th June Breeze

Recently I've been hearing people telling me that I haven't been updating my blog regularly. I suppose this holiday has been pretty hectic for me, but nonetheless, I'm still here isn't it?

The 4 weeks of holiday flashes past like as if holiday just started yesterday. All the deja vu has been flooding my mind, the memories of the past students who went through the exact same holiday, only to find themselves busy with exams after exams. Before they knew it, the question they were asking me were which course they should choose, which school they should apply. Then I will see new faces, new students, and it will start all over again.

One thing never changed, I am still me.

You guys are all important people to me (financially! ... ok and non-financially!). I sincerely hope, and wish you will all put in your best, for this upcoming last hurdle in your 4 years of secondary school life.

My job?

I will show you the stairs, its up to you how high you'll climb.


DDOJ:

Three moms, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, went out to lunch and were talking about their daughters.

The brunette mom said "I found a beer can in my daughters bedroom, i think shes drinking."

The redhead said, "I found a needle in my daughters bedroom, I think shes doing drugs"

The blonde said, "I found a condom in my daughters bedroom, I think she has a penis"

Adios!

22nd June Warm

Today's lesson with a certain particular group was certainly hilarious. I shall try to post out the conversation to as much detail as possible.

Incident 1.

Eeyneuy:
Where to write the workings?

Me:
Write on your kah cheng la! (butts)

加九:
(pointing at her...) Wah lao, she won't have space to write la!

Everybody:
...... ..... ......... ........... .....................


Incident 2.

Eeyneuy:
Hot will be very hot, cold will be very cold.

Me:
........ what thing hot won't be hot? What thing cold won't be cold?



DDOJ:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"

Adios!

16th June Cooling

Morning lesson since 9 until now, it was kinda refreshing to have lessons in the morning 7 days in a row, with more to come yet. I guess I haven't been waking up early for quite a long time consistently. Time to get started I guess? However, even if I started, it would probably end real fast. What's the point then? Haha...

N level exams are 3 months away, while O levels are about a little more then 4 months away. For some of you who are playing your holidays away, you'll soon make a wish on your birthday that you have a month before the exams to study for it. Right now you don't have to wish for it, its already here. Make full use of it ok! =)


DDOJ:

A 70 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.

"Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

Adios!

14th June Warm

Its another warm day, but not as scorching as the other days. And yesterday was raining, the weather was at last, cooling finally for the first time in many weeks. Hope it continues, or else I'm gonna hibernate in my room.

10 years series are ridiculously late in publishing this year due to some problems with the publisher. I guess you guys need to work double hard with practice papers then.


DDOJ:

A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”

“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.

“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.

“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”

“Because you got an F in sex.”

Adios!

9th June Warm

Had a close encounter today at home. Shall not elaborate on it, but you guys nearly just lost a tutor. You know when death was so near, the only things I thought about, was all the people I care about. I was lucky to escape that, and I guess I got enough good karma to back it all up!!! Way to go!!!

Probably not in a good position to say this, but I'm one lucky ass. =)


DDOJ:

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

Adios!
(don't let me down, don't let me regret helping)

5th June Warm

It was a really warm day, even in the night. When I step out of my air-conditioned room, I could feel the heat on my skin already. This is the few moments when I think if I'm living in a condo with a pool, it would be SO nice to jump in.

Sudden random thoughts went through my mind, and I was thinking and missing my old friends again. Some of which, have shared great times. Others, which shoulders my burden together without a breath of complain. Some which stabs me from the back, but nonetheless made us stronger. I look back the 28 years of my life, and I wonder. Who was it that would be there for you, when you really needed. In my life, there's a few of them, but it only takes 1 of them to brighten your night. Thank you, GF.

Friendship is probably one of the easiest relationship to build, but also one of the hardest to maintain. To befriend someone, is to accept his/her wonderful personality, and their hideous flaws. No man is perfect, and that is why friendship is one of the most intriguing relationship in all of history.

To me, if you made me lost respect in you, I will not linger on. I will not say I've broken all ties with you, but neither do I mean I want to see your face again. When things are broken, they can be fixed, but impossible if its one-sided.

To some people in my life, I wish I can say it loudly in front of you....

"Fuck off, The End."

Thank your true friends who would be there for you when you needed.

Be grateful to your friends who made you sad, for it is those which makes you a stronger person.

Never hold grudges, for they are unproductive, makes you mad, and makes you grow wrinkles.



Anyway, those were random thoughts, I'm not being emotional. But to some of my "friends", if you are reading this, you can stop your pretense now, I really can't be bothered with what you say or do. Just Fuck off.


DDOJ:

Actual Answering Machine Messages.

*My wife and i can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

*This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name and your number and your reason for calling...and I'll think about returning your call.

*Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is john's refrigerator. Speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

*Hi. Now YOU say something.

*Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message, and if I don't call back, its you.

*Hello!If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I'll call sooner.

Adios!

3rd June Cool

Woke up early today, and did a few stuffs which I should have done long ago.

Just very randomly, out of no where, I was reminded of my very dear lecturer from my University days again. She once told me this, "When you are at the rock bottom, the only way left is Up."

This sentence hit me like a boulder, I was pretty shaken after that. That single sentence changed my life, and it took me quite a while before I realize what that one single sentence was telling me about, and what changes it made to me.

Before long, my living motto became "Change what you can, and don't let what you can't change bother you".

I don't think I ever strike out to be someone as inspiring as my lecturer, but I still hope my message is sent across to you junkies out there. Life is a whole lot more interesting, when you start focusing on the right things. Things, that you can change.


DDOJ:

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not take that all that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says "You".

Adios!

1st June Warm

First day of the June holidays, started with KBoxing with 3 little cute monkeys. I guess we enjoyed yelling our lungs out in there, was quite a stress reliever. Plus it was just too damn cheap, but still I cannot imagine myself waking up so early to do that; I did though.

This is the study "camp" for many of you out there, and hope you do enough to make it worthwhile going to school. Don't go there and sleep your heads off. Do something constructive yea? Just for your information, things like digging your nose and drooling your whole table wet isn't what people categorize as "constructive". Think again =)


DDOJ:

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

Adios!