26th Feb Rainy

Its been raining alot lately,
Which I think is cool really.
Weather has turn for the better,
Which for me doesn't really matter.
My students turn up cold and wet,
While I sit in my room, no sweat!
I know I'm bad,
but please you guys don't be sad.
I'll give you cookies to nibble,
and place a bottle of green tea on the table.
So don't feel sad and mad,
cause I'm glad I'm not you guys who are drenched and wet.

I found this picture on one of the movies, which I believe if you look at it, it should resemble someone whom you know. Not all of you will know who, but I'm sure those who do, will immediately know who it is.

So the picture !!!!

So what do you think?? =p


DDOJ for Daryl who is going to Bintan:

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine 
the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. 
As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be 
cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the 
longest private part he had ever seen! 
 
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.
It has to be saved for posterity." 
 
With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's
schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. 
 
The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to 
show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. 
 
"Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

Adios!

25th Feb rainy

Surprisingly, it was a heavy downpour in the late afternoon. I couldn't even see the opposite block and it was a big patch of white rain covering the view of my window.

Anyway, today I heard a really funny thing. However due to protecting the identity crap thingy again, I shall use anonymous name again. I heard this secondary school Iyed had talks, and 1 of it was talking about growing taller by sleeping more. Obviously it doesn't work for everyone, it does for me, but certainly a big doubt for others like Gniyib! I almost couldn't stop laughing when I heard it, but it made my rainy day full of flowers blossoming... I think I'm evil but I guess I'm getting used to it now.

As to the others, I have to admit I think I'm having fun with the current batch just as much as the previous one. But huh Sam, does it thrill you so much that this old man here has people entertaining him everyday? Hahaha...


DDOJ:

A little girl was walking along a beach in California when
she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper
covering his genitals.

The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"

The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!"

The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.

Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain.
"Where the hell am I?"

A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency
help, so we rushed you right over."

"Well, what the hell happened to me?"

"We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening
to you today?"

The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me just
before I fell asleep." 

The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was
still there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happened
to that nice man you saw here earlier?"

"Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice little
bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,
broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!" 

Adios!

This video is an old old OLD video that was introduced to me by an old friend. I've shown it to many of my kids, and most of them loved it. So since so many of you love it, I'll show it to you on my blog.

Its in cantonese by the way.


Ohyea, today I had a fun time with 2 crazy girls studying in my room. What made it so fun was I could practically scare them again and again and again without fail. To protect their identity, I have to use fictional names. So Nylrehs and Annej was my victim today, but the best reaction award goes to Annej!!!

Anyway, enough blabbering.


DDOJ:

A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning.
He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the
next Monday. "Downsizing."

He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it
doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to
figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill
standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be
one of them."

He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does.
Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's
in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to
think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and
Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye.

"Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everything
okay?"
He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I
can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."

And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggest
you jack off.

Adios!

18th Feb Warm

Washed my crab's tank today. I think its a little long overdue. Its been living in it's own shit for the past 2 weeks I think, long overdue is an understatement I guess.

His so busy drinking water and playing in the fresh water inside the tank, I think his wetting his pants. I think he misses his stone too, so I placed back 1 stone for him. Maybe for Sun Tanning purposes. He has been complaining about his new nickname, so he wanna get darker.

Cannot blame him, I would feel the same if I were given that girlish nickname too.



DDOJ:

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts
her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there
already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my
baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends
like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take
you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father
makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now."

Adios!

13th Feb "Friday the 13th"

I don't think I've ever met such a black friday the 13th before. The night's out was totally ruined. Followed friend to meet his colleague at Double O, only to find that his friend decided to leave us on the first floor looking like idiots standing waiting for nothing, while they are upstairs happily drinking and making merry, haha. To me its a memory worth remembering, as it was pretty funny to me. If I was a bystander, I think I would laugh at myself too. Totally wasted night.

Anyway, tomorrow is a better day.

Hope you guys all have a happy valentines. Don't forget that valentines isn't only for lovers, they are for friends too! You guys enjoy, and live it to the fullest ya, make it a memorable day everyday! =)


DDOJ:

"Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl."

                                        - Mike Adams

Adios!

10th Feb Windy

Today I started class with 3 pretty mad people, who has been laughing since their first step into my humble house. I don't know whether they ate any laughing gas, but they were hysterical the entire day!

In any case, after their group came the legendary girl which I've known long ago, yet don't know her until now. Plus, she called my pet some gay name. Mind you, my pet is a GUY. You call him Purplie for WHAT !!! He was complaining to me la, after your lesson he got such a big traumatic experience he turned blue.

SIGH.

DOUBLE SIGH.



DDOJ:

My wife and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed
one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three- year-old
Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically.
He had accidentally swallowed a coin and was sure he was going
to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my wife took a penny that she happened
to have in her pocket and pretended to pull it out from Billy's ear.
Billy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from my wife's hand, swallowed it and
demanded cheerfully,
"Do it again, mum!"

Adios!

8th Feb Windy Windy Very Windy

Its Sunday again, the usual Monday's tomorrow, and then Friday's next, and then Monday's tomorrow, and Friday's next. Rinse and repeat.

Many of my group's starting with the dreaded Double Entry.
Left hand right hand rule.
I wonder how long they'll take to be good in it, I hope it is sooner then later, its getting boring even for me... Haha.


DDOJ:

 A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
 doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds.  Next thing he sees is an
 advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program.  Guaranteed like
 heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
 He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
 loss program.

 The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
 there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
 dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
 neck.  She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
 company.  The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
 without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
 A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
 his way with her.  After they are through he kisses the girl one last
 time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
 does business.

 For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
 happens each time.  On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
 enough, he has lost 10 pounds.  Deciding that he likes his somewhat
 more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
 calls the company back  and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
 loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
 like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
 be like this time.

 As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
 answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
 a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
 stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.  She introduces
 herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
 reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
 shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
 her.  But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.  She is
 wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
 the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up
 and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight.  On the
 sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
 pounds.  I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
 losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.

 Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
 subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
 you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
 rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
 felt  this good in years!  The next day there comes a knock at his
 door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
 and a sign around his neck.  He introduces himself as a representative
 of the weight loss company.
 The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.

Adios!

5th Feb Air Con Breezing

A special request from my new student in the house, she wanted me to write something really good about her. So from what I can recollect, I'll do my best here. To keep her identity safe, I'll use a fictional name.

10 things about Surelin (I tried my best!!)

1. 100% bubbly
2. 200% chatty
3. 300% fun
4. Likes to type in CAPS
5. Favorite phrase in msn is "HAHAHAHAHA"
6. Next favorite phrase is "LOL LOL LOL"
7. Likes to tie ribbons on other people's pet
8. Has a pair of eyes.
9. 1 nose.
10. Surprisingly... 1 mouth

A student that I punished long long LONG ago when I was still teaching in some fictional school call Iyed Secondary that wears blue in year 2007. Surprisingly, I get to see the whole bunch back during CNY celebration in school.

I think that kinda calls for a celebration ehhhHHH???


DDOJ:

The Perfect Worker

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle.  Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues.  Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time.  Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks.  Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field.  I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with.  Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today.  Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
lines.

Adios!

3rd Feb Windy

I just realised I haven't been keeping up with my blog, maybe it was because I used to only keep my blogs for my students to read. Majority of them left their secondary school lives already, I think its time for my new batch to continue reading my nonsense.

Anyway, its already February, the last feb went past so fast and it was already O levels.

One of my crabs died right after my birthday, damn mosquitoes got in and corrupted the water, poor crabby with 7 legs died soon after. Now its only 1 left, I wonder how long he'll last under my students' daily abuse of overfeeding. If he manages to grows to akin a Sri Lanka crab size, I'll be pretty amazed considering what the aquarium boss told me about it not being able to grow.

Another wednesday tomorrow.

Nonetheless, good luck and good job getting into your choices of schools, wish you guys the best in whatever you do in the future.


DDOJ:

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"

"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure" 

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we 
can get to work."

"Tripod?????"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she fainted!!"

Adios!
P.S. incase you guys don't know, go search the meaning of a surrogate. =p