31st Dec 2009

Last day of 2009, marking the end of the first decade of the new millennium. I think whoever is up there, I don't know who, but thanks for the peaceful decade. Time to enter the 2nd decade.

It was nice to see most of you back at the Chalet, and I was busy with everyone coming. I'm sorry if I didn't manage to spend enough time to chat, I really wanted to catch up with each and every one of you. Time is so short though!

Next year I will try to book 1 week, and then I'll allocate days for each batch of you to come, then you won't feel awkward, and I'll have lots more time to chat with all of you! Planning in progress =)

It's a whole new year, I thank all of you for all the good times we've been through, and the fun, laughter, tears, happiness, sadness, and everything. We all became stronger no doubt. See you guys in the new decade, love you guys!

Wishing you all, a happy new year 2010!


DDOJ:

Dear mum,

I am writing you this note to say that I haven't been honest to you lately.

I have a boyfriend, his name is Dragon and he lives in a trailer in the woods he wears biker clothes and deals Ecstasy.

I am moving in with him and I am four months pregnant.

His friends will come over all the time so I can get a little frisky with them.

We will make a living out of growing drugs and selling them to Dragons friends as are both already drug addicts, we will live a life of drugs beer and all the sex.


Wish us luck
Katie

P.S.
I am at the neighbors house, all of the above was a lie I just wanted to let you know there are worse things in life than my report card which is in the top drawer.

Adios!

17th Dec Suspense

Tomorrow is the big day for N levels.

Same old shit, so I'll cut the crap.

Believe in yourself, get your results with a calm mind and don't make rash decisions. If you are unsure of what to do, you have my number. Just don't make rash decisions yea.

Anyway I believe POA results for Ns this year should be good.
Good luck you guys, I wish you all the best!


DDOJ:

A guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."

Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."

The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"

3rd guy "Because you don't have any damn ears to hang glasses on."

Adios!

6th Dec Windy

After 2 weeks of reservists, I've finally came back to civilization. That was 1 helluva 2 weeks, and to think I need to go through that again 8 more times. The very thoughts sends freezing chills down my spine.

Done some productive thinking and sorting out of thoughts while I was in camp.

I found that this year I've been writing too much words of advice to people in this blog, I'm beginning to sound like a nag already. I think I rather enjoy that, nagging is fun, you guys should try it sometimes. It's pretty fun at the expense of the ears of people around you. Fun times I tell you!

Classes will begin soon now that we've reached December. New year, new batches, new faces, new students, new slackers, new nagging, new new new!!!

Anyway to a friend of mine, you may not be reading this but in the event that you do, please put your weird way of thinking away and keep it in a dusty corner of your brain capacity. Take note not to take it out again, if in the event that you do, please chuck it right back again.

Your life isn't just yours, you have others dependent on you.
If you don't save yourself, nobody else can.


DDOJ:

A professer from the Washington State University was doing a test on children, so he brought in a bunch of first graders then he gave each of them a lifesaver all the kids got the same colour at the same time.

Red=Cherry
Green=Lime
Orange=Orange
Yellow=Lemon

Then he gave them all a honey flavored one after a while all the children couldn't figure it out so the professer gives them a hint "This is something your mommy might call your daddie"

Then one little girl looked at the professer and the other children in horror then she yells "Spit them out! Those are assholes!"

Adios!

20th Nov Rainy

Brought my car for polishing today, and went to Kallang to celebrate Tuofeng's birthday. There's this Japanese restaurant 日本村, buffet lunch for students at $14.99, and adults at $17.99. Sashimi is part of the buffet menu!

Alas, I had my filled before i went, and no buffet for me.

A big enlightenment from Kenny today, he taught us that even though Sushi are serve cold, you still have to blow on it to cool it further. Although we see no logic, but since he did it SO convincingly, we just had to believe him.

Don, the person who suggested playing 终极密码, brought a big serving of Wasabi to our table. Being the nice guy around, I had to help them with the numbers so I'm not involved in the war. Well, I guess KARMA plays a big part when you suggest such stuff to play with.

Guess who ate the most Wasabi and had to tell us to stop playing?

Overall, nice day and I had fun. Happy birthday Tuofeng!


DDOJ:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work & productivity from employees, it would be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than any one else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are specially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, & are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. we can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSIVE PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Adios!

17th Nov Windy

Finally in a long time, I've stepped into the theaters again. Watched 2012, and I personally thought it was a fantastic show. Something so realistic, both emotionally and physically.

The question comes to mind, when you ask yourself;

"If this is the last hour of my life, what do I want to do with it?"

I find no need to remind my loved ones how much I love them, but if the time comes when it's my final hour, I might finally have the courage to tell those whom holds special places in my heart what I feel. Maybe it's a wake up call from the show, I shouldn't be waiting till that last hour.

Whence the last time you told your loved ones "I love you"?


DDOJ:

A Blonde is having a great day.

She is walking towords the elevator and notices it's leaving.

She starts to run, but a man holds it for here and she makes it.

When she's inside she starts thinking 'I'm in a really good mood, Ill share it with that man' Then says "T-G-I-F!"

The man looks at her and says "S-H-I-T"

The blonde is startled then says "T-G-I-F" again.

The man, again, says "S-H-I-T"

The blonde says "No, T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness Its Friday!"

The man replys "No, S-H-I-T, Sorry Honey Its Thursday."

Adios!

13th Nov Friday the 13th

Since it's friday the 13th, guess who I saw at Orchard?

Irene Loh and Junyi!!!!!!!!

I think it's really a very pleasant surprise, I haven't seen them for ages, almost an entire year! Not much changes though, still as "cute". Hahaha... Irene is going to kill me if she sees this.

Busy busy through the "holidays".


DDOJ:

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, mathand science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

Adios!

10th Nov Cloudy

Tomorrow is the last day of O levels, I wish you guys all the best and enjoy your holidays from tomorrow onwards!

These few days without O levels has been boring, and to say the least, not even exciting. Luckily my ride has been entertaining me for quite abit, but damn finally it's that stage of my own life! I haven't been able to take any good pictures of it, because quite honestly I didn't really care, haha. But I'll get a picture up as soon as..... I remember.... yea that's right.

My 3rd batch graduating, I still remember vividly how it was like to teach in Deyi. Then stuck out on my own, where the first 3 months of start up, I was practically eating grass. I'm glad I stick it out, and everything turned out fine now. I'm also really glad to meet all 200ish odd of you through out these 3 years.

There were many days when students would ask me, why do I do what I am doing, even though I have a degree. Maybe I can finally answer all of you with concrete proof now. Let me ask you back, is it better to have;

1. Sense of satisfaction from teaching,
2. Free time,
3. Earn cash.

Which do you choose?
Because quite frankly, is it too much to ask for ALL 3 of them?

I haven't been able to achieve all 3 together yet, but I think I will not stop trying.

I'm not some hypocrite telling you I enjoy teaching and I don't care about anything else. I still want my money you know! So I guess my current direction isn't all that bad, now let me get going and work towards combining those 3 together from now on!


DDOJ:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his neighbors Halloween Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

Adios!

4th Nov Last Day before Paper

Finally, it's the last 12 hrs before POA ends.

For some of you, it's the last you'll see POA. For others, it might come back to haunt you in the higher levels of learning. Nonetheless, you did what you could, and be proud of your results. Last year, the same thing happened. I wrote an ending blog post for the entire work year. This year, I'll be doing the same.

Let me begin by telling you that it's been really enjoyable to teach most of you out there. Those who put in effort, you really saw your efforts turn into results. Thus, you should be more confident about yourself.

Everyone of you left such deep impressions in me, some mentally and some physically. Financially this year, I've been doing well, but I think I could have done more to help some of you. If I didn't manage to, I apologize. But if I did manage to help you improve your grades, it's not because of me alone, you worked for it yourself too.

Today, 4th of November, marks the last day which I shall call you guys as students. We will no longer have that kind of relationship, and I will no longer be a teacher to you. As of tomorrow, 5th of November, once you step out of school, I'll be proud to say that I have gained 60 more friends, and not that I lost 60 students. (omg my income)

Welcome to the first step of stepping into the adult world, my dear friends.

I will miss all of you terribly. My days will not be the same without you guys jumping around me anymore. Some days I will look back at all the photos and say, "Omg, so-and-so used to look like this!" For some even, tears of joy might flow just by reminiscing the good times we had.

Hopefully, our friendship can last more then just 2009.

I will remember every single one of you in my heart.


All the best, Adios... !

25th Oct Shine Shine SHINE

I woke up at 11a.m today, and I felt weird. It's been ages since I last woke up at 11a.m on a Sunday, I should be a little happier I guess? Haha..

Tomorrow is the start of the O level proper exams, all these 4 years of studying has finally came down to the actual papers. Before you know it, the first paper and the last paper seems just to be next to each other, and it'll all be over before you know it.

While we have all done what we could to go pass this hurdle, all that's left is to believe in yourself and do your best.

Hints for Exams:

- Maximize your time usage, if you finish early, then check through.

- Remember your calculators, and check it's working.

- Remember to put your entry proof in your pencil case.

- Lastly, be confident, if you can apply 75% of what you learn, getting a good grade is not an impossible task.


With this, good luck for all the coming exams, and I'll be wishing for your success and for most of you, I'll be seeing you as a teacher for the last time on November 4th at Cheng San CC 2nd floor 4p.m to 10p.m.

All the best!!


DDOJ:





Adios!

8th October Best Friend's Wedding

Today's post is dedicated to my best friend, Sindy and her hubby Wayne.

It was about 12 years ago, when we first met in NYJC. Both of us look so normal, a friendship built up not just on trust and respect, but also from a little of anger and disappointment once. However, the little trouble we had between us, we long gone before we knew it. I do not know when it was, or what it was, that brought us both to be so trusting towards each other, but one thing for sure is, we both treasure this friendship more then words could describe.

And for this, you will always be my best friend.

I had a hard time holding back the tears of joy for you when Wayne said "I do" to you, and you to him. You look so blissful standing before Wayne, may this scene be etched into your memories forever with nothing but sweet thoughts that will bring a smile to your face whenever you think of it.

Congratulations my dearest friend!!

Yen Pin

6th Oct Rainy

As usual, the exam periods are always filled with lots of rainfall. Bring your umbrellas wherever you go, you don't want to get sick. No heroes or heroines please.

Anyway something to lighten your day.
See this video, a korean guy in uniform dancing to your favorite song!





This really made me LOL!!



DDOJ:

A blonde named Winnie had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.

Adios!

A meaningful comic strip I found.


















































































































































































































































































No matter what life throws at you, no matter how hard it may be, you went through it for a reason, and although it doesn't show now, you will appreciate later.

Work hard everyone!

19th Sept Rainy

Came across the show Britains got Talent, and I've seen some really motivating videos which I have never thought would be possible.

Such courage at such young ages,
broken down from pressure and stress,
defeated but never giving up.

To that, everyone has something to learn from them.

Seeing them brings tears to my eyes, do you?

Look from these Youtube links, it's protected so just view it from the links by opening a new window.

Sharheen Jafargholi.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kLbWY2S2TQ&NR=1

This young man got Simon stopped him from singing in the midst, but he got another chance by Simon. He accepts it, and he nailed it.


Hollie Steel.

The first part of this video was her first attempt, but she broke down from pressure and stress. What do you expect, shes only a 10 year old. And I think shes courageous. However, she got another chance at it at the later half of the video, and I personally think shes fantabulous (fantastic + fabulous).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_-OHoDVaus



If you view both videos, there is a particular reason why I do that.

Everyone out there, including you, have some sort of talent, and everyone of you have got a chance at it. Your incoming hurdle in N and O levels are what you have to go through in the next 3 months. You should never give up, and never stop trying.

Seeing Sharheen and Hollie makes me think of you all, I love you all.


DDOJ:

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.


NOW ............

Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.

The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Adios!

14th Sept Warm

Today's the day when majority of my students got back their prelim results. Only a few things I would like to say, maybe contrary to what you believe, but this is what I felt.

To most of you:

- You did well using what you learnt

- You should thank your teacher for making it so clear what all of your mistakes were and where you should focus on studying

- If you did 60+, I would say its really good already, you'll have high chance of getting an A.

- If you did 50+, careless mistakes correction and learning from them will give you a good chance to do much better.

- If you did below 50, I highly suggest you try harder, and ask yourself whether you gave your best for the exams. If the answer is no, you'll know what to do.


Anyway apart from that, my N level students have been doing pretty well on the average, and I would like to congratulate them for the prelim results. The usual improvements from prelims are that you will jump 2-3 grades higher then usual if you continue working for it.

Never give up, because if you do, that's the end.



DDOJ:

How to tell You are married

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three would wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: “The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.”

The mistress: “Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night”.

The married woman: “I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

Adios!

26th Aug Chilly

Never fails to have the exam periods being really rainy and cold. Always the case every year for now, and I guess you guys better keep umbrellas with you. You won't wanna fall sick during the papers. After all, its only 2 months before your O level starts, and weeks before N levels.

A little something below:

Good: People calling me asking about homework

Bad: The homework was last month's

Worse: Tomorrow's exam.


Anyway it was meant as a punk, but I do know 1 or 2 of you is guilty of that...

Ok I'm exaggerating...
.... should be more then 5 or 10....


I remember the last time I said the same thing about the mid-years. The results should shock you and make you work harder, but now I see, even prelims doesn't really scare the shit out of you. You guys got guts, I gotta give you that. Damn, I'm beginning to see the old me in you... but the thing is, I pulled through, I hope you guys do too.

Anyway, by the time u read this, prelims for POA are over. You'll know results next week, so lets all begin to work hard... finally? Hahaha... less bull crap about working hard and stop thinking of excuses not to work hard yea?


DDOJ:

Pick Up Lines and How to Reject them.

He: Do you mind if I sit down?
She: Do you mind if I say no?

He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, I'd rather have the money.

He: I'm a photographer. I've been lookin for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been lookin for a face like yours.

He: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

He: I think I could make you very happy.
She: Why? Are you leaving?

He: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

He: Can I have your name?
She: Why? Don't you already have one?

He: Where have you been all my life?
She: Hiding from you.

Adios!

25th Aug Warm

My fish tank finally arrives! Some new addition to my crabs below =)


This 2 is my small ones, cramming together.


















This one is black with red pincers.


















This one is the most colorful one, the aquarium boss even said that it would glow in the dark!! =)




















More additions to my pets, and the fish tank is custom made, so that it can now hold alot more crabs then before, I'm so gonna get more of them!



DDOJ:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

Adios!

22nd Aug Warm

PLEASE SUPPORT THE SPECIAL CHILDREN!!!!!



Presenting to you,
our very dear "special" kid, Bryon.

After the video, if you feel that you should support this cause, please donate to the special Bryon funds.


DDOJ:

Just watch the video.

Adios!

20th Aug Warm

Finally a piece of good news for a long time.

I'll be attending reservists in November 9, and will no longer be heading to Taiwan next month.


So you guys have to bear with me for the next 3 months.
Be prepared for HELL.


DDOJ:

A woman gets on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver says: "Holy sh*t! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
In a huff, the woman slams her fare into the box and takes a seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her senses that she is agitated and asks her what's wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumes.
The man sympathizes and says: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she says, "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a great idea," the man says. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

Adios!

13th Aug Warm

Warm Warm Warm everyday.

Happy Birthday, Ginny!
Although its 28, but since your boyfriend gave you a 29th candle, he is probably hinting you through the numbers.... yer know..... 29.... 2........ 9.................... !!


Dad has some issues with his stomach today, scares me to death. When people are old, and they get sick, all you can think of is pray hard it isn't something life threatening. Probably lots of you don't see it yet, but that's just part and parcels of life. Anyway he is much better now, thankfully!

I met something funny tonight.

This taxi uncle, he was playing some music which I thought was oldies. Turns out... it was a recorded CD of his own voice when he was singing in KTV!!

I'm not entirely sure that I have the guts to drive a cab, and play music sang by myself. But I can tell you, it's one of the worst rides ever. 25 minutes of pure ear torture, mixed with hokkien, chinese and.... THAI songs....... ALL BY HIM. If he wasn't driving, I might kick him in the butt.



DDOJ:

Today's joke is a little naughty, so if you'll easily feel offended....
why are you here in the first place anyway? =p



When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said. "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"

"First check for bees."

Adios!

9th Aug Warm

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!!

Ok... like I care.....

Anyway heres a video to entertain all of you, titled:

How to 按 黑 青, by 2 of my cutest students alive.
Enjoy!

Or how about their "successful" attempt at telling jokes?





You have to give them credits for being so "brave"!!!!






DDOJ:

There once was a bear & a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

Then It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

Adios!

8th Aug Warm

With the tight schedules, I guess I'll not be leading a normal life for the next 3 months. DUH!!

With the new crabs, I'm having a blast of a time with them, considering that its so easy to scare the shitz out of people holding it close to them with my bare hands. They are such cute monsters, you like Shrek and you like Monsters Inc... why are you afraid of the little crabs who are not bigger then your thumb? HAHAHA!!!


DDOJ:

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complaint, the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

Adios!

7th July Warm

Today, I got attacked by a vicious beast.

Some of you older batches might know her... I got attacked by....

SOPHIE GOH

Firstly, she appeared at my house with her sister, then she says she misses me.

Next thing she did was walked to the living room with her tidbits and watch TV.

Next thing she did was laugh herself silly while we can hear her from in the room.

I wonder what's next... I guess she really "miss" me....


DDOJ:

One Blonde To Another

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.

Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Adios!

1st Aug Warm

Got some new crabs today, and they are super mini!
Let the picture do the talking yea!

Aren't these little monsters cute?
You can actually play with him with your bare hands too,
they walk all over you!!

DDOJ:

A real gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams.Then she pushes on her elbow and screams in even more agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams again; likewise she pushes on her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream in agony.

The doctor says,"You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken".

Adios!

24th July Warm

I was comparing students to the likeness of the 尿布 and Pampers.

Seriously, I personally felt that it was a good comparison, since some students are like 尿布, you input data into them but no matter how much you pour it in, they just overflow and spill out with nothing left inside.

However others are Pampers, the more you pour, the more it holds.

Some days you are just like a 尿布, while some other days you are like Pampers.
Just a matter of how absorbent you are, isn't it.


DDOJ:

All men have one...
I have one !!
You husband will have one!!
Your mother uses ur fathers one!!

Your auntie uses ur uncles one!!
A maried lady will acquire one!!
But a divorced lady will loose her one!!

A Pope doesn't use one!!
Ming Chang has a small one!!
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a long one!!
Madonna doesn't have one !!

Chinese usually have short ones !!
While Pakistani's have long long ones!!
After marriage ur husband will give u his one!!
Long or short it doesn't matter coz u'll have to take his one!!

What do u want? L O N G one / SHORT one!
Which one is ur preferred one? LONG or SHORT!!

What r u thinking of?(see below for the answer)

ur SURNAME....is what i'm talking about..what have u been thinking?
U DIRTY MIND...SHAME ON U

Adios!

11 July Warm

I think I should be more strict towards you guys from now on. Maybe less jokes, and more seriousness in the lesson. Somehow work isn't done, people still treat it as if O levels are 2 years away.

Evidence?

1. Work given, but not done.

2. Few weeks worth of work piled up, not done too.

3. Don't know how to do, don't want to ask me, continue piling up work.

4. Didn't bring papers, bible not updated.

5. Formats which are supposed to be remembered, cannot remember.

6. Answers which could be found in bible, say dunno how to do.

7. No time to do work? Don't crap with me say no time, when you can find time to go out with friends or watch TV. For your highness' information, O levels is 3 months away, N is 2 months. Cannot control for this period of time?

8. Worse still, I don't even know when I'll be able to see your royal highness turn up.


For some of you who might actually see my blog, and read it, if you are guilty of any of the above, then treat it as a warning. Your grades in the final exams are none of my concern, my life will still go on. BUT it will definitely have an impact on your future. Just because I try to be more casual with you, doesn't mean I don't mean business.

I already showed you the stairs, if you don't climb it, its your own fooking problem.


DDOJ:

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

"Daddy, does God love children?"

"Yes son, he loves all children."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

Adios!

9th July Breeze

Freaking left eye swollen, must be all the heaty food I've been eating. Potato chips are so evil, I shall continue to eliminate you by consuming every single one of you. No use hiding in your little bags, I'll tear my way through to you and chew every single crispy bits of you.

Deferment from going to Taiwan doesn't seem to go well yet, you guys had better not count on the idea of me being able to do it. Work hard, you should start now if you didn't. Secondary 4 ends sooner then you think.

I'll be at Sentosa the whole of friday, little nephew's birthday and we are all gonna play with them at Rasa Sentosa Hotel. Man... thinking I've to wake up earlier to come back for class on saturday... just makes me more excited... Hooray for work .. .... can you smell the sourness yet?


DDOJ:

Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level then beat you with experience .

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand."

Adios!

30th June Warm

This post is to my friend. Or friends.

You think you are in control, yet you show us you are not.

You think you are right, yet everything shows you are not.

You think the truth can be changed, yet the truth remains the same.

You think, you think, and you think.

And the truth says no, no, and no.

All truths said and done, I have done my part as a friend, your life is yours to control. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart, you have changed. Something is blinding you, and your vision is clouded. However, when you are hurt, I will be there for you. Before that, don't expect anything from me. I will give you the picture below for your future reference.






















How you live, does not depend on others but yourself.
Your life is in your own hands, better or worse, you'll have to face it.


DDOJ:

What ever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.
Whatever doesn't kill ME, had better run like hell!

Adios!

28th June Warm

With the H1N1 spreading like wild fire, I guess its about time we all start to be more worried about the epidemic. It isn't deadly, yet. However if it's left uncontrolled, the virus will mutate and get stronger, by then it might become incurable.

If you see the history of mankind, there are many incidents where huge populations are wiped out due to a single disease and epidemic outbreak. There was a time when Tuberculosis was deadly and had no cure, the black plague that spreaded as if it was the very embodiment of fire itself, and the humans were like dry wood, fueling it's every growth. If we don't control this situation well, there is very possibility it would turn out to be fatal. Bless us all.


Anyway, a note to my students.
If you feel sick, just let me know and I'll arrange a make up class for you. Your health, and the safety of all your fellow friends are at risk. So lets all try to make a little extra effort to combat this bad situation.


DDOJ:

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Harry replied, "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Harry: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Harry: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Harry: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Harry: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Harry: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Harry: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Harry: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?

Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."

Adios!

27th June Breeze

Recently I've been hearing people telling me that I haven't been updating my blog regularly. I suppose this holiday has been pretty hectic for me, but nonetheless, I'm still here isn't it?

The 4 weeks of holiday flashes past like as if holiday just started yesterday. All the deja vu has been flooding my mind, the memories of the past students who went through the exact same holiday, only to find themselves busy with exams after exams. Before they knew it, the question they were asking me were which course they should choose, which school they should apply. Then I will see new faces, new students, and it will start all over again.

One thing never changed, I am still me.

You guys are all important people to me (financially! ... ok and non-financially!). I sincerely hope, and wish you will all put in your best, for this upcoming last hurdle in your 4 years of secondary school life.

My job?

I will show you the stairs, its up to you how high you'll climb.


DDOJ:

Three moms, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, went out to lunch and were talking about their daughters.

The brunette mom said "I found a beer can in my daughters bedroom, i think shes drinking."

The redhead said, "I found a needle in my daughters bedroom, I think shes doing drugs"

The blonde said, "I found a condom in my daughters bedroom, I think she has a penis"

Adios!

22nd June Warm

Today's lesson with a certain particular group was certainly hilarious. I shall try to post out the conversation to as much detail as possible.

Incident 1.

Eeyneuy:
Where to write the workings?

Me:
Write on your kah cheng la! (butts)

加九:
(pointing at her...) Wah lao, she won't have space to write la!

Everybody:
...... ..... ......... ........... .....................


Incident 2.

Eeyneuy:
Hot will be very hot, cold will be very cold.

Me:
........ what thing hot won't be hot? What thing cold won't be cold?



DDOJ:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"

Adios!

16th June Cooling

Morning lesson since 9 until now, it was kinda refreshing to have lessons in the morning 7 days in a row, with more to come yet. I guess I haven't been waking up early for quite a long time consistently. Time to get started I guess? However, even if I started, it would probably end real fast. What's the point then? Haha...

N level exams are 3 months away, while O levels are about a little more then 4 months away. For some of you who are playing your holidays away, you'll soon make a wish on your birthday that you have a month before the exams to study for it. Right now you don't have to wish for it, its already here. Make full use of it ok! =)


DDOJ:

A 70 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.

"Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

Adios!

14th June Warm

Its another warm day, but not as scorching as the other days. And yesterday was raining, the weather was at last, cooling finally for the first time in many weeks. Hope it continues, or else I'm gonna hibernate in my room.

10 years series are ridiculously late in publishing this year due to some problems with the publisher. I guess you guys need to work double hard with practice papers then.


DDOJ:

A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”

“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.

“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.

“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”

“Because you got an F in sex.”

Adios!

9th June Warm

Had a close encounter today at home. Shall not elaborate on it, but you guys nearly just lost a tutor. You know when death was so near, the only things I thought about, was all the people I care about. I was lucky to escape that, and I guess I got enough good karma to back it all up!!! Way to go!!!

Probably not in a good position to say this, but I'm one lucky ass. =)


DDOJ:

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

Adios!
(don't let me down, don't let me regret helping)

5th June Warm

It was a really warm day, even in the night. When I step out of my air-conditioned room, I could feel the heat on my skin already. This is the few moments when I think if I'm living in a condo with a pool, it would be SO nice to jump in.

Sudden random thoughts went through my mind, and I was thinking and missing my old friends again. Some of which, have shared great times. Others, which shoulders my burden together without a breath of complain. Some which stabs me from the back, but nonetheless made us stronger. I look back the 28 years of my life, and I wonder. Who was it that would be there for you, when you really needed. In my life, there's a few of them, but it only takes 1 of them to brighten your night. Thank you, GF.

Friendship is probably one of the easiest relationship to build, but also one of the hardest to maintain. To befriend someone, is to accept his/her wonderful personality, and their hideous flaws. No man is perfect, and that is why friendship is one of the most intriguing relationship in all of history.

To me, if you made me lost respect in you, I will not linger on. I will not say I've broken all ties with you, but neither do I mean I want to see your face again. When things are broken, they can be fixed, but impossible if its one-sided.

To some people in my life, I wish I can say it loudly in front of you....

"Fuck off, The End."

Thank your true friends who would be there for you when you needed.

Be grateful to your friends who made you sad, for it is those which makes you a stronger person.

Never hold grudges, for they are unproductive, makes you mad, and makes you grow wrinkles.



Anyway, those were random thoughts, I'm not being emotional. But to some of my "friends", if you are reading this, you can stop your pretense now, I really can't be bothered with what you say or do. Just Fuck off.


DDOJ:

Actual Answering Machine Messages.

*My wife and i can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

*This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name and your number and your reason for calling...and I'll think about returning your call.

*Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is john's refrigerator. Speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

*Hi. Now YOU say something.

*Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message, and if I don't call back, its you.

*Hello!If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I'll call sooner.

Adios!

3rd June Cool

Woke up early today, and did a few stuffs which I should have done long ago.

Just very randomly, out of no where, I was reminded of my very dear lecturer from my University days again. She once told me this, "When you are at the rock bottom, the only way left is Up."

This sentence hit me like a boulder, I was pretty shaken after that. That single sentence changed my life, and it took me quite a while before I realize what that one single sentence was telling me about, and what changes it made to me.

Before long, my living motto became "Change what you can, and don't let what you can't change bother you".

I don't think I ever strike out to be someone as inspiring as my lecturer, but I still hope my message is sent across to you junkies out there. Life is a whole lot more interesting, when you start focusing on the right things. Things, that you can change.


DDOJ:

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not take that all that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says "You".

Adios!

1st June Warm

First day of the June holidays, started with KBoxing with 3 little cute monkeys. I guess we enjoyed yelling our lungs out in there, was quite a stress reliever. Plus it was just too damn cheap, but still I cannot imagine myself waking up so early to do that; I did though.

This is the study "camp" for many of you out there, and hope you do enough to make it worthwhile going to school. Don't go there and sleep your heads off. Do something constructive yea? Just for your information, things like digging your nose and drooling your whole table wet isn't what people categorize as "constructive". Think again =)


DDOJ:

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

Adios!

31st May Warm

Last day before the school holiday starts, for most of you this will be a crucial period of studies. Try not to treat it as a real holiday, your nightmare is just about to begin. If it isn't a nightmare of studies to you YET, then I can safely ensure you, that all hell will break lose when school reopens.

Now its school holidays, next thing you'll know, its 1 week break, and then Prelims.

1 month after prelims, next thing you'll know, its first day of O levels first paper.

No time to procrastinate, because if you do, I'm not sure what will become of you.


Anyway, it was kinda pleasant surprise to see 3 monkeys show up at my place today, namely Semaj, Ynaffed and Nura. Show up in the middle of no where, and then finish all my xiao man tou, and then gone like the wind. They are so cute, in a weird way.


DDOJ:

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

- First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse...

Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

- Ok, now take off my skirt...

and he takes off her skirt.

- Now take off my bra...

which he does.

-And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.

and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,


"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

Adios!

25th May Warm

Went to watch Night at the Museum 2 with some ex-students, was an OK show. Pretty fun, just don't be too serious about it and I guess you will enjoy more. I had a good time waking up an uncle in the cinema behind my seat, he was snoring. I found it pretty hilarious myself, why would someone enter the cinema to sleep, barely 10 minutes into the show? Maybe he feels paying $8 is good enough for air-con and a good seat for 2 hrs of sleep. Apparently his plan failed, due to his snoring. Tough luck, better luck next time.

Quote from the Movie;
"The key to happiness, is to do what you love."

Seriously some of you, stop acting like an idiot, wake up and see what you are doing is bringing you happiness or not. Your fake artificial mask doesn't cover your pathetic thinking, and it leads you no where. Happiness is something you strive for, not given.


DDOJ:

Good, Bad, and Worse!!


Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Worse: Your daughter has them.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Worse: You're in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.

Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Worse: So are you.

Good: You give the birds and bees speech to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Worse: With corrections.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.

Adios!

24th May Breeze

It's been a weird day, I ended up taking in 2 new students, one of which I have made her stood outside the class before few years ago. Shes one crazy bean, but I think I can get use to it yea? She insists that I update this blog, so here I am to satisfy her little request.

And to Dion and gang, I think they'll be able to catch up to you guys soon enough yea. Not really like what you guys said, I think they'll pick up the subject fast enough. Don't get your ass owned by them in the next exam, or I'll personally enclose you guys into the same room as Dion for 1 day, and feed him Jenna Curry to increase his methane level potency.


DDOJ:

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"

Adios!

17th May Warm

Wake up to a lazy Sunday morning, and unexpectedly, the guys turn up in the morning. Ended up watching movie together at Bishan, well I guess after exams at least they do deserve a break.

Been watching drama the entire day, I think I'm beginning to transform into an Auntie soon. Nonetheless the drama was good, "Click入黃金屋" is a Hong Kong drama which talks about family life and how to treat each other's family members properly, and live happily together. Lots of things in it are actually true, but none that you emotionless kids are interested. Sigh, growing old is a pain in the butt.

Quote of the day:

There are people who unknowingly makes mistakes, and there are people who makes mistakes knowingly.

The first group can be changed, while the second group are untouchable, they already made their decisions, even if they know it's not what they should do. Just wish them good luck, we aren't obliged to be responsible for your own lives.



DDOJ:

Today's DDOJ is a little rude, but I find it so funny, I cannot resist posting it. If you wanna read on, just highlight below to read the DDOJ... u were warned =p
A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.

She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"

The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"

And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"

The guy says: "In that case follow me"

So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"

So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"

Adios!

13th May Cooling

Today my mum pan fried the poor little fishes I caught the other day, and we had nasi lemak rice and long beans to go along!! Surprisingly the taste was fabulous, it was fried till the entire fish could be eaten except the middle bone. Really cool!!

















DDOJ:

Two blondes are walking down the street.

One of the blondes gets a pocket mirror out to see how she's looking.

She says to her friend. "I recognise that person in the mirror"

Her friend says, "Let me have a look"

Then replies "Of course you do its me."

Adios!

10th May Warm

I was taken quite aback by Jon Schimdt and his talent in song writing, merging both Love Story by Taylor Swift and Viva La Vida by Coldplay together in a wonderful piece of music on his Fazioli Piano with his friend Steven Sharp Nelson (cello percussion).

He wrote this song for his 7 yr old daughter who loves "Love Story", of which he brilliantly mixed in with Viva La Vida.

It is simply, wonderful. You be the judge of that.




DDOJ:

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."

"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Adios!

6th May Warm

Today's class was all canceled due to exams, and as a result I decided to take revenge at the fishes again since yesterday's catch was.... lack lustrous...

Well... started with... 2 miserable small fishes....

















... guess what..... ANOTHER EEL BY ANDREW!!!

















... and the final catches of the day.... I won by numbers... Andrew won by size... my conclusion?

Alot of small fishes to fry for nasi lemak...


















Muahaha revenge for yesterday's lousy catch.



DDOJ:

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,"Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious?

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you do have all the equipment."

Adios!

5th May Warm

For the first time in many months, I went fishing again. So many interesting happened while I'm there, so I'll be a nice guy and list it out in point form.

- Vehicle got stuck in pot hole, and we have to push the car out

- I got the first fish, but my legs got attacked by red ants while reeling in

- Proved once again I am the cat fish king

- My friend fished up an......... eel...? .....snake? Freaking GROSS

My fishing experience once again ends up... unproductive yet FUN again !!!
I guess its all about the company, and less about fishing.
I believe its true for whatever you do, its all about the company you are with. =)


Mid-year exams are starting, I hope this mid-year is a good shocker for all of you, some for the better, some... its good to let you know you are not working hard enough yet. Time to rev up your engines after seeing your results.

I wish you guys all bad luck, so that you can see all the possible mistakes you made, and learn from them and hopefully not repeat them again. All the things you've done wrong, shows where you should be focusing your attention on in revision of your studies.

Work hard, study smart.


DDOJ:

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either !

Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you ?
Pupil: How did you know ?
Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!

Father: How did your exams go ?
Son: I got nearly 100 in every subject.
Father: What do you mean, nearly 100 ?
Son: I was just a digit out; I averaged 10!

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you !

Adios!